Lena's · Weird · World

After much deliberation, I've decided to simplify my life and my blogs. The only blogs I'll keep after this week are:

Professional: http://depravedduchess.blogspot.com

Pagan: http://thirdinfinity.blogspot.com

My website is current under re-design, using a new program that will allow me to update it myself without the aid of a guru. It will still have the same address: http://www.LenaAustin.com, but will be completely new. It will also have a direct RSS to my Blogspot blogs.

Thank you for your time and attention on this site, and I hope you'll take a few moments to Friend me at the new sites.

Lena

Title: Night Critters 1: Must Love Dogs
Author: Lena Austin and Tuesday Richards
Publisher: Changeling Press
Publisher URL: www.changelingpress .com
Reviewer: Ann Barber
Rating: 4 Stars
Heat level: S

Must Love Dogs had me laughing all the way through the book. I loved both of these characters. Both are searching for love and when they find it they aren't going to let anyone, not even their families, stand in their way. Roni is confident and knows exactly what she wants. Corbin is sexy and willing to stand up for the woman he loves. The sex was fun and entertaining. The plot was fast paced as expected with a book of this short length, but I didn't feel rushed through the story. Roni and Corbin find real love in the course of Must Love Dogs and aren't afraid to fight for it. The supporting characters made this book special. Roni's friend Ana is supportive even though she is going through her own relationship crisis, and Roni and Corbin's parents are funny. I hope there are more books in this series on the way. I can't wait for another visit. If you feel like a funny quick read Lena Austin and Tuesday Richards' Must Love Dogs is a great choice!

Ann Barber
Just Erotic Romance Reviews

Silk Panties by Celia Kyle

Excerpt #2

Buy it NOW from Aspen Mountain Press!

Lisa wanted to dance, scream, and shout when she heard Jonathan's answer. She really wanted to do the running man and cabbage patch, but was pretty sure it would ruin the moment. Especially considering Jonathan was looking all serious and staring at her lips.

He closed the gap between them, his lips hovered millimeters from hers and she held her breath, waiting for his touch. That first brush of his skin against her sensitive lips sent tiny shivers through her body, settling in her core. Her body tensed and strained towards his, craving more. And that was only a teasing taste, a glimpse at what he could draw from her. He pressed a soft open-mouthed kiss to her mouth, flicking the seam of her lips with his tongue.

The next time he pressed against her mouth, she returned the favor. Her tongue snuck out and slid against his and she got her first taste of him. She went back for more. Their tongues danced as she searched out more of his taste, relishing the warm moist cavern of his mouth.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and arched her body into his, moaning when they aligned. His erection pressed like a hot steel rod into her abdomen. She rocked her hips against his pulling a groan from his body in return. Their lips and tongues continued their fight for dominance until he wrenched away from her, resting his head against the door.

Lisa slid down his chest until her feet rested firmly against the floor and she sagged against him, ear pressed to his chest. She could hear the rapid thump of his heart and the deep breaths puffing in and out of his longs. Her hand slid down his neck, past his shoulder to rest on his chest. Her fingers stroked the muscle of his pectoral through his thin cotton dress shirt until a tiny nipple pressed against her palm. Using her fingernail, she scraped it with one slow swipe.

"Oh, baby." Jonathan moaned, placing his hand over hers, stilling her movement.

She snatched her hands away, clasping them behind her. "Did I do it wrong?"

Lisa hated the hesitation and uncertainty in her voice, but she couldn't make the feelings disappear. She didn't know what she was doing! She'd only ever been with Mick, and if she were with him they'd be through by now. She never had to seduce her ex. If he wanted sex, he rolled on top of her and they had sex. After many conversations with Rochelle, Lisa learned that sex was more than having someone roll on top of a person and pump. A lot more.

Jonathan stroked her arms, goose bumps rose on her skin in his wake. He tugged her hands from behind her and brought her fingers to his mouth, pressing soft kisses to the tips. "No, you did it right. Very, very right."

Relieved, Lisa allowed him to pull her toward the bed in the corner of the room. Once there, she didn't protest when he sat and pulled her between his knees. Seconds passed as they stared at one another and Lisa didn't know what to do. It was usually over by now and they'd both be asleep. Okay, he'd be asleep and she'd be washing up, but the main event would be long past at this point. What was taking him so long?

"Lisa, you sure about this?"

Why? Why did she have to get the one guy in the world who seemed to have a conscience? "I'm very, very sure." There. That was good, right?

"You seem nervous, Lisa, I don't…" Lisa pressed her fingers to his lips, stilling any further assurances from him.

"I'm nervous because…" she swallowed hard. He might tell her to get out after he heard of her experience. "I've only ever been with one other guy and, well, he cheated. I'm not sure how good I'll be. If you want me to go…"

It was Jonathan's turn to shut her up. "Hell no! You're perfect. Every inch of you is perfect and I can't wait to slide between your thighs. I just don't want you to regret being with me."

She raised an eyebrow at him, snickering. "Don't worry. I'll respect you in the morning."

"Yeah?"

Leaning forward, she brushed her lips across his, the now familiar shivers slid down her spine. "Yeah."

Words weren't necessary any longer. Jonathan took control. He stood and turned her around, easing her to the bed.

Once she was lying on the queen-size mattress, he began undressing her. Jonathan took little time divesting her of her top. A quick tug on the tie around her neck and back and the chiffon confection was gone. Lisa helped him with her skirt, sliding the zipper down, and he tugged the mostly spandex piece of cloth from her hips and down her legs.

Now, in nothing but her pink silk panties, she waited. The whole experience was so far out of her realm, she wasn't sure what to do next.

"Now that is a beautiful sight." Embarrassed, she covered her breasts. Well, as much of her breasts as she could cover. He wasn't having it. "No, baby. I want to see you."

When he tugged on her wrists, she released her hold, feeling the now familiar heat of her blush traveling up her chest. Nibbling her lip, she turned her head and stared at the white wall.

Jonathan's finger stroking her chin had her turning to face him. "No need to be embarrassed, Lisa. You are so…" his fingers slid over her left breast, circling her nipple, "so beautiful."

Hearing it from Jonathan, she almost believed him. She almost believed that her curves weren't her worst asset, but her best.

Relaxing, she arched into his palm when he squeezed her breast, aching for more. He kneaded them, alternating between the left and right, stopping to pinch and pull at her nipples. Lisa couldn't get enough. Arousal burned hot through her system, pushing her to do things she'd never imagined. Like beg. "Please."

Jonathan leaned down, capturing her breast with his mouth and sucking long and hard.

He released her nipple with a pop. "Please what, baby?"

He skimmed her abdomen, palms stroking and touching her everywhere at once. She started when he slipped his fingers beneath the elastic of her panties and held her breath, waiting for him to move.

Instead of pulling them off, he tormented her. Jonathan traced the lines of her panties, from hip to inner-thigh and back again. His teasing caresses only proved to heighten her arousal further. Her pussy clenched and more of her juices dripped from her, coating her labia. She knew she had probably soaked through the silk confection covering her mons, but she didn't care. Every thought flitting through her mind centered on Jonathan and his teasing fingers.

Finally, he hooked his fingers around the elastic and tugged her silk panties over her hips, down her thighs and along her calves before removing them entirely. After having brought her legs together so he could remove her panties, Lisa was hesitant to reveal herself to him fully.

He gripped her ankles, hands skimming her freshly waxed legs as he rose higher. Lisa's heart slammed in her chest, harder and faster with each rising inch. When he came to her upper thighs, she pressed them together, unwilling to reveal everything.

"Lisa?"

She nibbled her lower lip. Mick hadn't… No one had… "Um…" She made a strangled sound, somewhere between a whine and a growl. "No one's ever…"

Jonathan gifted her with a crooked smirk. Something masculine and primal lurking in his eyes as he pried her legs open. "You'll love it, baby. Open for me, now."

His demand had come too late. Like the wanton slut he'd turned her into, she relaxed into his grasp, thighs spreading, giving him access to everything.

Lisa hoped he liked what he saw. She'd spent a pretty penny getting waxed and plucked at the salon in preparation for her one-night stand. Her labia were bare while her mound still had a smidge of hair up top. She'd walked in with a bush and walked out decidedly lighter. She wanted to be smooth, but hadn't wanted to look like a prepubescent child.

The woman at the salon had worked magic. It sounded as if Jonathan agreed.

"Damn, baby. You're gorgeous."

She laughed, she couldn't help it. The man had said her pussy was gorgeous. Wrinkly, maybe. Gorgeous? Not hardly.

"Are you disagreeing with me?" He quirked his brow at her and her laughter doubled. In response, he pounced.

Jonathan buried his face in between her legs, tongue aiming straight for her clit as he devoured her. He lapped at her nether lips, first licking a path up one side and down the other before focusing on her clit once again. Almost as if her were cleaning Lisa of her juices and at the same time, causing more to leak from her pussy. Arousal spiked through her blood, heart pumping and breath billowing out of her lungs as she tried to follow

Jonathan's path in her mind.

She rocked her hips in time with his licks, aching for more contact. Each time he strayed from her clit, she whimpered. Each time he ventured back, she groaned. It wasn't long before she realized he was doing it all on purpose. He teased her, but hadn't yet brought her close to the brink. Each moment, her orgasm was delayed, her arousal seemed to gain strength.

Tangling her fingers in his hair, she tugged until his eyes met hers. "Make me come, Jonathan. Please?"

She did it, she begged. At this point, all she wanted to do was come. Now. Then again, later. But now would be good. The man had the audacity to smile at her again before sticking his tongue out, the nubile muscle formed a pointed tip and he kept his gaze locked on hers as he flicked her clit.

Lisa's eyes drifted close as his attentions focused on the tiny nubbin. So close, yet so far.

Then, oh God, then his fingers joined his tongue. He slipped first one and then two into her pussy, their path eased by her abundant cream. Her muscles clenched and tightened around the invasion and she moaned in response.

Jonathan began tapping her clit with his tongue in time with the thrust of his fingers. Her orgasm began spiraling out of control, and before she could grasp it and hold the rush of pleasure back, he did something unexpected. He touched her in a place she thought had only existed in dreams and Cosmo magazines.

Buy it NOW from Aspen Mountain Press! http://www.aspenmountainpress.com/

http://www.changelingpress.com/product.php?&upt=book&ubid=821

Night Critters 1: Must Love Dogs
Lena Austin and Tuesday Richards
All rights reserved.
Copyright ©2006 Lena Austin and Tuesday Richards
An Authorized Excerpt

This e-book file contains sexually explicit scenes and adult language which some may find offensive and which is not appropriate for a young audience. Changeling Press E-Books are for sale to adults, only, as defined by the laws of the country in which you made your purchase. Please store your files wisely, where they cannot be accessed by under-aged readers.


With aching slowness, Corbin pulled down the zipper of her minimalist jumpsuit, designed to hug every curve of her body. She'd bought the jumpsuit with Corbin in mind, and he seemed to appreciate the effort on his behalf. His lips followed the zipper's slow trail down, licking and nibbling every inch revealed. "Did I mention how much I love this suit you sprayed on?"
Roni gasped and wriggled beneath him. The tiny bites and soothing licks, moving slowly down to her dripping pussy, made the anticipation increase to unimaginable levels. Most guys hopped on with minimal attention to her needs and rode her like a racehorse doing the two-minute mile. Not Corbin! The human was a master of the slow, sensual lovemaking most women dreamed of. "You're showing me just fine."
Corbin chuckled softly at her moaned answer. He continued to pull the zipper down past her hip joint, but stopped its progress midway to her knee. There, his lips worked their way to the soft flesh on the inside of Roni's thigh. "Open for me, baby."
Obediently, Roni spread herself before him, helplessly caught in her need for his tongue or his cock. She didn't give a rat's ass, as long as she got relief from the rumbling volcano inside her. She could feel her skin heating, knowing her fur was showing and unable to stop it. She just prayed her shaved pussy would be enough to keep the virtually hairless human aroused. "Corbin…"
Her zipper slid down to her knee, exposing more of her flesh. Corbin's hot mouth attacked her pussy like he was a hungry predator. His sensual hum vibrated up her entire body.
Her delighted shudders echoed his hum, and her entire focus narrowed to how his tongue scraped across her swollen clit, and his chin ground into her flowing pussy. One of her hands crept downward and pulled apart her labia to give him full access.
Corbin responded to her silent plea by delving even deeper into his treat. If she'd been an ice cream cone he'd have been swirling his tongue to relish every bit, fueling a thousand fantasies of every woman in view. As it was, he was all hers, and he was a master at his art.
Roni had no warning. Her body stilled only for a second, an eternity of waiting before she exploded. Her back arched, and she clawed the rug to hang on to sanity. Roni screeched his name, helpless and caught in the force of her orgasm.
Her human lover wasted no time. He knelt upright and wiped his chin of her juices with an evil grin of triumph. Had he been a werewolf, such an expression would have been a serious challenge to her as a born Alpha Bitch. Then, he ripped her new jumpsuit to shreds with his bare hands.
The loss Roni counted as a small one. She'd buy another. She restrained herself from the urge to go completely furry and demand a chase in the woods. Poor primate that he was, he'd never scent her out, much less catch her and tame her as an Alpha Male claimed his mate. What a shame. He came so close to perfection, Roni almost howled in despair.
Corbin closed his eyes for a moment and shuddered. He bit his lip and took a deep breath. His dark eyes opened, and he grabbed her ankles. Before Roni could even squeak, he put her feet on each of his shoulders and hauled her bodily across the carpet until his cock nestled against her still throbbing pussy. "C'mere!"
The Chuskie in her obeyed before the thinking woman caught on. Roni blessed her daily sit-ups and came upward to put her arms around his neck. Seamlessly, she slid down on his cock and fell backwards toward the carpet.
Corbin's strong arms saved her from a nasty bump on the head and gently lowered her back now that he was firmly entrenched inside her. Again, he shuddered, perhaps to avoid coming too soon. He put his hands on her thighs as his brace. "Ready, baby?"
Unable to speak, Roni nodded and grabbed the carpet once more. She'd be at his mercy, and unless she wanted a serious rug burn on the parts not still covered by the remains of her jumpsuit, she had to hang on tight.
The first thrust rocked her back into orgasm. Roni pulled up two fistfuls of carpet and grabbed again for more. Again and again, each thrust shoved her further across the Oriental rug. Likewise she left a trail of shredded handfuls behind her. Ana was going to kill her, and Roni didn't give a royal damn. She howled her lover's name. "Cor-wor-wor-woo-woo!" God, Roni hoped she didn't sound like an idiot.


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Okay, now for the trivia question! Remember, you must email the answer to me privately via: voiceomt2002 AT yahoo.com.
While Corbin shredded her jumpsuit, Roni shredded something else. What was it? Hint: Ana will be angry.
Lena

(Warning: Some foul language ahead)

Breaking News:

In the continuing saga of RWA National's seeming campaign to stamp out (Hah!) the erotic romance genre, several hate-filled and unprofessional letters have been published by the RWA magazine, the Romance Writer's Report for the past four issues.

These vitriolic letters are not IMHO, the work of professional persons interested in maintaining the aura of respectability of romance authors, but rather prejudiced hate letters aimed at one section of the published authors. Why is the RWA allowing this to be published repeatedly in what is supposed to be a magazine from an organization dedicated to supporting all authors of recognized romance genres? Like it or not, the RWA does recognize erotic romance as a legitimate genre.

I am no longer a member of the RWA for just such an example of the imbalanced nature of the RWA's "support." Some of these letters have accused the erotic romance authors of being "sluts" and "prostitutes" for writing "smut" in our eagerness to be published.

There are several things wrong with such accusations, even beyond their very nature as unprofessional attacks on one genre of authors. First, I doubt seriously if the writers of these letters are aware that many famous NY authors are also erotic romance writers who started out in the ebook world, such as Angela Knight, Lora Leigh, and Kate Douglas. Those best-selling authors deserve respect and admiration for their work. Could the letter writers be ones making the same amount of money? Not likely. Money talks. The buying public voted with their wallets.

I do also take exception to the term, "slut" being used to describe me and my sister erotic authors. Many of us are married mothers and grandmothers. Not exactly slut material. I myself am a fat old grandmother who just happens to have a long memory of those heady days when I first fell in love with my husband and my single days before the advent of AIDS. I suggest that any woman who enjoys the pleasures of the bedroom might have such memories. I and my sister authors merely have the skill and imagination to make these memories into stories the readers buy. Skills are learned and earned, unlike talent. I'd like to think I have that as well.

The term "prostitute" amuses me more than anything else. I do indeed sell a service for money, but it's not illegal and I'm unlikely to get an STD from my keyboard. Anyone who sells a service is not a prostitute. I am alone here in my home office, typing on a keyboard, not walking a sidewalk soliciting sexual favors for money.

It is true that I abandoned my attempts to sell my stories to NY publishing houses, but it was not in the interests of selling sexual stories. In fact, my first sale was a historical set in Egypt that would be considered quite tame by today's standards. It didn't sell well, despite several awards from reviewers.

This is in the March RWR:

Here is the letter in its entirety:

As might be expected, I heartily agreed with what Linda Swift Reeder had to say regarding the increasingly graphic direction romance novels are taking. I find it odd that authors who once tried to convince the world that romances weren't "soft porn" or filled with "purple prose" are now writing the very thing they once so vocally decried. Likewise, words that were once avoided are now liberally sprinkled through the pages. Just last week, I added another of my "auto-buy" authors to my "don't buy" list because of the constant use of the F-word and other, equally unpleasant language.

Madeline Baker, R6

(sigh) "Soft Porn" and "purple prose"? Oh, PUH-Leeze. I understand this dialogue goes through four issues. If I wanted to write Barbara Cartland style, I'd still be unpublished. Times have changed. The f-word and the "evil C's" are now a part of the common vernacular, and I doubt sincerely that anyone in the throes of passion says, "Oh, baby! Make love to me now!" Uh, last time we did the horizontal tango, I was yelling "Fuck me! Fuck me hard!" at the top of my lungs.

The readers say with their spending dollars what I write. There are enough genres around that I'll always be able to write something that sells, if paranormal erotic romance falls out of favor. I don't think the erotic will ever go away, but who knows? The readers determine these things, I don't. Do they really think my publishers would accept erotic romance if the stuff wasn't selling like hotcakes?

Let them clutch their perfect pearls in horror at my language. Don't read my books if my words offend you so. Your buying dollar determines the market too, prose princess. Bet you have to work harder than I do to not say what I type honestly.

I feel sorry for these women writing these letters. Makes you wonder if they "lay back and think of England" while their husband gets his rocks off. How pitiful. No wait. I feel sorrier for their husbands.

Remember, answer me by emailing to voiceomt2002 AT yahoo.com

Trivia Question One: What color did Roni's eyes turn?

Answer can be found in the excerpt I just posted previously.

Lena

http://www.changelingpress.com/product.php?&upt=book&ubid=821

Night Critters 1: Must Love Dogs
Lena Austin and Tuesday Richards
All rights reserved.
Copyright ©2006 Lena Austin and Tuesday Richards
An Authorized Excerpt

This e-book file contains sexually explicit scenes and adult language which some may find offensive and which is not appropriate for a young audience. Changeling Press E-Books are for sale to adults, only, as defined by the laws of the country in which you made your purchase. Please store your files wisely, where they cannot be accessed by under-aged readers.



Roni had no such restraints to keep her from pealing out the wildest howl he'd ever heard. "Woo-woo-wooo!" She threw back her head and sang to the moon.
The carriage shot them down into the blackness of a dark cave. At least Corbin assumed it was a cave. He couldn't see the stars or the moon but he could see the luminous red nature of Roni's eyes. She looked like the legendary demon dogs. Wait. Her mother was a Siberian Husky werefolk. Their eyes turned red in low light. His heart raced faster, and adrenaline shot through his system. He'd howl in a few seconds if he didn't do something, and his body reacted before his conscious mind thought up a plan. His arms clamped around Roni's, and he yanked her closer for an adrenaline-laced kiss.
She returned the kiss in kind, smelling of excitement and a trace of fear from the ride. Her lips worked beneath his, nibbling on his bottom lip with tiny nips both painful and arousing.
They were still locked at the mouth like two teens with stuck braces when the ride ended. The attendant chuckled when he lifted the restraint bar, and whispered the name of the nearest local hotel. "Get a room, you two."
Roni released Corbin's lips and giggled. She tugged on his hand. "C'mon, handsome. Your car is this way." Then she let go of his hand and ran. The wink over her shoulder invited him for a short chase.
He knew where the damn car was. Barely. Not that it mattered. She couldn't run fast in those heels and presumably she left them on to let "the human" catch her. He laughed and loped easily after Roni.
She "let" him catch her at the rear bumper of his hydrocar. Her hand reached up to grasp his head and pull him down for a lingering kiss.
Corbin wrapped his arms around her and lifted Roni's butt until it rested on the trunk of his car and equalized their heights.
Roni responded by wrapping her legs around his waist. The heat of her arousal smacked his nose like a fist. "We need a room. And a bed. Now."
Those panted demands acted like the strongest aphrodisiacs known to lupine kind. Corbin stroked her whole body from breast to hip and back. "Yes. Your place is closest." It was a lie. His home was closer, but the last thing he wanted was for Duke to see or get involved. She was his, and he didn't want to share even her face.
Roni dove for the passenger side and had her seatbelt on before he could even get in. Her big brown eyes flashed with that demonic light once more in the streetlamps. Her fingertips stroked his zipper, but she couldn't reach any further. "Damn the laws that keep me locked away from you. I'd suck on your cock the entire way home."
The aforementioned body part stood at rigid attention like a soldier called to duty. Corbin's mind blanked as all the blood rushed out of his brain. "Yes, ma'am. I'll drive as fast as I can."

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A review for Bonds of Matrimony has been published atParaNormalRomance. You may see this review by visiting<http://www.paranormalromance.org/reviews/review.php?id=27397>.

And I quote...

"I love this All Wrapped Up series. The story of a bit of sin, a bit of bondage play, oh that just heats up the pages. This story is what a lot of married couples let their lives become. If only they would be more open to what they want, and not let their jobs get in the middle of their marriage like Millicent did with Alex. That is how a lot of marriages end. This story is full of heat, love, erotic lovin' that set the pages and me on "Fire".
Reviewed by Nicole HarveyPosted February 24, 2008

Thanks Nicole!!

Square foot gardening in Egypt!!:
Going green in Egypt
http://cosmos.bcst.yahoo.com/ver/251.7/popup/index.php?cl=6414890

I was very happy to see this advanced and oh-so-easy gardening trick being used in Egypt's gardens. Square foot gardening (http://www.squarefootgardening) is one of my personal passions, since it is perfect for the small home gardener and can be adjusted to fit the needs of anyone. I do mean anyone. I've had my gardens on sawhorses when I was in my wheelchair, I've had my garden on the balcony of my tiny apartment.

My largest garden was a whopping (NOT!) three 4'x4' squares, including the vertical growth at the back. That year, from those squares, I had more zucchini, green beans, lettuces, carrots, and bell peppers than I could use. The watermelons I grew vertically were so sweet and juicy, we stood like vultures waiting for the next to ripen.

I noticed the Egyptians had the same "good problem" I did --excess food to sell or give away. One guy had already made the Egyptian equivalent of fifty English pounds.

Lena

Nature is what inspires me. Then I take whatever's around and twist it to my visions. This sliding glass door was my latest project.

Lena

Day 2595 of my captivity:

DAMN, The Harlot did it again! She got to the male slave, and had me, ME, kicked out of the bedroom AGAIN!! This is really starting to make me crazy, I am running out of options. I have tried Agent Princes way of stealing the hair doodads, she just takes them away without a laugh or even a swat to let me know that I am getting to her. WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING WRONG!!! WHY IS THE GREAT CAT GODDESS PUNISHING ME WITH THE UNTRAINABLE WENCH THAT IS THE HARLOT!
I am sorry for my outburst, I am just frustrated. I know deep down that I was given this mission because the great cat goddess knew I could handle it, but why on everything that is feline did Prince and Kahn get the fun research. Those two get to find giant bed mice, and giant birds where as I have to figure out how to train the untrainable without suffocating her in her sleep. Prince and Kahn are always talking about how they are coming closer to the discovery of what they are researching. I would like them to come live a week in my paw prints, and see what a REAL mission is.
Anyway, on a more serious note, The Harlot did do me a favor. She convinced the male slave to buy me…her…whatever a new appetizer, or as The Harlot refers…pet. I have a new minion of destruction. He is a winter white hamster, named Achilles. He is small, and agile, and can blend in well with rocks, as his fur color permits. What I don’t understand is why Achilles gets to be in the bedroom and I DON’T! I am going to formulate my next plan, I will be in contact.

Agent Cairo

Prince’s Captivity Journal
September 14, 2007

Yesterday I finally got through to my slave Lena. I’d been yowling at the door for some months, trying to get through her thick primate skull that I wanted to go outside and chase the lizards that dare to invade my domain.

I permit my slave to decorate me with a glorious device called a harness. This one has moons and stars on it, and matches my black fur. While at first I thought it an insult to Feline Dignity, I now realize its true purpose as a decorative item.

My harness has a secondary purpose it seems. My slave attached a device to it, and we went outside! I was quite please at making the breakthrough in feline-primate communication, and the new device kept my slave close by in case I needed her services.

I spent a delightful hour teasing the dog next door, chasing those evil lizards away from my domain, and inspecting the foliage where such creatures may hide. My slave managed to find her own amusements by talking to The Harlot into the odd metal box she calls a “phone.”

Finally, I completed my survey. The heat of Outside is exhausting. Kahn may enjoy his bird research, but I was quite ready to return to the cool comfort of my Indoor domain. My slave obediently carried me in, and I retreated to my bed for a long, contemplative nap. I did not rise until the male slaves returned home and the older male slave reminded me of my duties in supervising the female at cooking. To show my appreciation, I left a few selected dark hairs on the pillow he uses at night while I patrol my domain. The male slave was appropriately grateful. He went to tell the female what I’d done, then brought in a nice warm load of fresh laundry for me to lie on. He may be the least trained of all my slaves, but he does have moments of brilliance.

Today, both male slaves are home. They are trying to imitate Feline Behavior by sleeping on their beds. I shall have to rouse them eventually, even though my female slave has already seen to my breakfast and stroking my fur back into place. Right now, I’m much too busy supervising her while I drape myself decoratively over the desk, under the warm comfort of the lamp.

Ah, never mind. The younger male has risen on his own. Good. I will go supervise him now.

Hey all it's The Harlot, you know me from the lovely cat journals of my phycotic feline and his weird friends. I am also known as Phoenix, you will also be learning my real name really soon as I am partnering with Lena on her next book 'The Blue Rose'. No questions, no autographs please! LOL.
I am hear to brag about my own stained glass project that I have completed and it beautimus. So gawk, and live in awe of all that is ME!!!

The Harlot/Phoenix/you'll know soon enough

While I take some much-needed down time from writing, I've been working on my faux stained glass art. In this journal's scrapbook, you can find pictures of the work in progress.

Lena

Day 2586 of my captivity:

Prince, Kahn
This weeks report is both happy and sad. I will start by saying that rodents are good for other things than just appetizers. I have found that when they are in their plastic bubbles which The Harlot calls “balls” they are very useful, especially in sending The Orange Thing into a straight jacket. I have recruited The Harlots Rodents Rusty, Onyx, and Bastian (as they are called) to be my “Minions of Destruction”. However, I am sad to report that one of my minions Rusty, died the other night. The cause of death is unknown, but I assure I will be investigating and the guilty parties will be punished for depriving me of one of my minions.
I do have a happy report this week though. I HAVE MADE A BREAK THROUGH WITH THE HARLOT!! Yes, you read that right, I have made a break through with The Harlot. I think causing her to break her paw, and the training of the male slave finally worked to my advantage. The male slave convinced The Harlot to place Bastian down stairs on top of the book case next to Onyx. Then the male slave left the bedroom door open! Yes, you heard me correctly, I was finally given entrance back into MY bedroom. So in pay back for the year of indignity of sleeping down stairs on the floor, I proceeded to make The Harlot as uncomfortable as I could, and I got The Orange Thing to lay across her chest, keeping her on her back, and The Harlot hates it.
I am looking over my notes to see what I did differently this week as compared to the others, that got through to The Harlot. I know it’s practical to keep breaking her paws to bend her to my will, however I’m afraid that if that keeps happening, my research would have to be restarted on the stray earth domestics outside. I shudder to think!
I will report again next week, hope to hear from you two soon on your research.

Agent Cairo

My fellow agents,

I think I have found a way to train The Harlot! I shall fill you in...

Two nights ago, The Harlot and the male slave came down the stairs, usually they head out the front door to inhale those foul contraptions. This time The Harlot went around the corner into the kitchen to get a drink--no it was not for me. When The Harlot came back around the corner, I made my move. I laid down right in her path, she saw me and moved to the side like a good little human, the next thing that is heard is this gross sounding crunch, and a string of curse words that I shall not repeat.

The Harlot broke her paw!

I think I have unlocked the secret to her training, she needs corporal punishment! Since she broke her paw, she has been petting me, loving me, and "sneaking" me treats off her plate at the slaves feeding time. I think I can save the mission and train The Harlot, if not than we will have to take her out.

Cairo

Cairo, you have my deepest sympathies! The few days The Harlot was in my home were probably the worst days to date. I have my humans trained to NEVER pet me below my collar, and The Harlot disobeyed!

She consistently was petting me in all the wrong ways! Perpetually giving me a BAD FUR DAY! I did my best to help in her training, I bit her, and I tried to scratch her, however without my front claws all The Harlot did was laugh and continue to pet me below my collar!

I am sure the cat goddess would give you her blessing to have The Harlot terminated from the mission! That is one human that can never be trained! We need to get rid of her before she sabotages the whole mission!

Again my deepest sympathies for your bad luck with The Harlot.

Kahn

Please excuse any errors in typing. I'm in a hurry and don't have time to supervise my slave Lena well. I have made the most delightful discovery! Bathroom Mice!

Today, while I supervised Lena's disgusting habit of bathing under a spray of water rather than using her uselessly too soft tongue, I noticed the curtain moving. Of course, I investigated.

Tiny creatures moved on the other side of the curtain, very near my slave. Of course, she took no notice, being only a human covered from head to toe with funny smelling bubbles and water.

I patted at one, just to see what would happen. It moved, and more ran into that immediate vicinity of the curtain! I confess my excitement at the discovery lead to a loss in caution. I wrapped my paws around the large movement I could barely see.

To my delight, I heard a large squeak! A mouse! A giant mouse! Unfortunately, my grip was insufficient for such a large creature, especially through a slick curtain. I fell in the water and got my paws wet!

And the indignity of it all, my slave laughed. I will return to the bathroom for further investigation, but I recommend both Cairo and Kahn that you check your own bathrooms for giant shower mice.